Have you ever thought about the role you might have played if you were a Pilgrim? No? Me either, until now, so I did a little research.
I’m most certain I would have spent a good bit of time with my ankles in the stocks, or my neck and wrists in the pillory, for various reasons known, and unknown.
Truth is, they were kind of mean back then, and they would hang you, or burn you, or even quarter you like a chicken (rip you into four pieces), for all sorts of reasons and I think, truth be known, they could just make up a reason, and lock your butt up, if they simply didn’t like the way you looked.
Blasphemy, fortune telling, arson those were bad things. I’ve never been an arsonist except with pretend buildings made out of refrigerator boxes or the like, but I have told a fortune or two, or three...which most likely were made completely up.
But, blasphemy could be just cursing a little, and I’m sure there have been many times in my 62 years I would have found myself in the stocks or pillory for that one. Especially after banging my head on the little tiny attic door frame toting something in or out. I was blasphemying just the other day while putting up some Halloween decorations. Why do they make attic doors so short anyway?
Yikes! I’m willing to bet that that right there, celebrating Halloween, would get you burned at the stake in a New York — make that Plymouth —minute. You’d probably get one of those Monopoly-like cards that reads “go directly to the stake, do not pass Go, do not stop at the stocks or the pillory.”
Ooops! Right there again I was betting, and that was a stock and pillory crime back then, so betting and celebrating Halloween just got me a double whammy.
They would sew a big ole B on my shirt for betting, and while waiting for my fiery doom for the Halloween crime, if I pulled that B off they would brand the same letter on my forehead. I read The Scarlet Letter in high school. I know how those folks felt about certain things. Yes, I know that of which I speak.
They would brand people for drinking too much — something I might or might not have done a time or two — or stealing — I didn’t do that unless you count pushing the wrong button on the Coke machine to get my brother’s drink on a family vacation one time.
They would brand you for all sorts of intimate activities (Things found in the The Scarlet Letter and more.) that we won’t begin to go into in this space. There was even a “warning” to parents about this business on a web page that was used for some of my research. Don’t want to have to pluck their eyes out, you know!
I suppose a fiery poker to the forehead was a good deterrent since a brand never goes away, and you sure can’t hide one hanging out on your forehead.
Granted I have known/know some folks that pretty much meet the Pilgrim standard for a good branding, but even for them I would say that is still a bit much. I have accidently branded myself more times than I can count, most recently on the barbecue grill, and that is definitely just too much.
Those Pilgrims liked to fine people too.
Skip church, get a fine.
Travel on Sunday, get a fine.
Work on Sunday, get a fine.
Lying in public, get a fine and sit in the stocks. That goes right back to the “making up the rules as they go business” ‘cause how did they know for sure someone was lying in public. Furthermore does that mean it was okay to lie in private?
Some of these crimes, if repeated, would get the offender a public lashing or whipping. Now, I got a good many whippings as a youngster, some likely in public, but I never got a lashing, albeit I hollered like I had gotten one on a few occasions. That would have been about the same time the ever-popular 1960s-1970s phrase “you better stop that crying before I give you something to cry about” was coined.
The Pilgrims really did give folks something to cry about in their times, they just didn’t issue the pre-lashing warning I always got.
All those rules and, according to my research, I don’t even think they wore underwear! The men wore stockings hitched to their knee length britches legs and the britches buttoned to their shirts. It would be kind of hard to get out of all that garb in a tight spot, if you know what I mean! There should have been a fine for dressing like that!
All that said and done, at least they gave us Thanksgiving, or somebody back in time decided to give them the credit for giving us Thanksgiving and the Thanksgiving feast.
For that, and much more, we should be thankful. Especially thankful that we got rid of the stocks, the pillory, whipping, and lashing, and branding, and ripping folks apart, and for sure that burning at the stake thing.
And, we should be thankful for family, for good health, for happiness, etc., etc., etc., and, one day perhaps, we’ll get to be thankful for world peace. Probably not any time soon, so don’t get your hopes up there might be a fine for that!
Happy Thanksgiving!
