Forty-plus years ago I wrote a senior term paper, in a graduate level non-verbal communication class at Mississipi State University, entitled Beardedness as an Indicator of Credibility. I still have the bound paper on my office bookshelf.
My research revealed that facial hair was, in fact, considered a positive quality by most studies done prior to the early 80s. The more mature the bearded person the more positive the perception.
I was really proud of the paper because my professor, who was a stickler for writing, and who had several books on the subject to his name, scored me a 96+ and asked me to do the field study on the theory. I was young, foolish, and done with schooling, and declined. Wish I had made a different choice in 1983 but that is beside the point.
The point here is that looking at some old pictures at a birthday dinner week before last I once again noticed how much hair I used to have compared to what is there now. Head hair gone. Mustache gone, eyelashes, pretty much gone. Leg hair, gone here, not gone there, gone here not gone there because of keys in the pocket for too many years, a sprained ankle taped up that looked like a permanent wax job when it was untaped, scars, age, etc., etc., etc.,
But, there is still plenty of hair to be found. Where is it now? Ears, nose, back. Why, I do not know!
I have always been a pretty fuzzy fellow. My late dear mother used to say I looked like a hairy little monkey when they brought me home from the hospital.
The older I got the fuzzier I got until sometime, not really sure when, I began to defuz to the condition I am in today, and as you can see from my mug shot on this page, the hairs on my head are few and far in between.
Just the other day I got something in my eye at work and I put drops in it, and rubbed it raw, before going to the restroom to gaze into the mirror to see what it could possibly be. It was like a three inch long eyebrow hair hanging down and poking me in the eye. I swear the thing just appeared overnight. I yanked it out and a few days later another one had returned to torture me. Seriously these things grow longer than the hair on my head in no time flat.
What’s up with that?
I mean a man just should not have to use hair gel on his eyebrows!
Eyelashes, on the other hand, have the reverse problem. They used to be long and thick, now they are short, thin and sometimes look like they are growing sideways rather than out to the front. How are they ever going to serve their stated purpose of keeping stuff out of my eyes when there are plenty of breaks in their armor. No wonder the eyebrows are attacking. They have found the Achilles heel.
And then there are the ears and the nose. My Lord what is up with the ears and the nose. That hair needs to move up a little bit and it will be back on top where it belongs. I can’t help but wonder if all that hair on the ears and in the nostrils isn’t just the roots of the hair that used to be on my head growing out the bottom. I’ve seen that in hanging baskets like Boston Ferns. I suppose it could be the same principle. These days it seems like I shave my ears and nose more than I shave my chin and upper lip.
We won’t even talk about my back side, but we will get back to that paper.
My research showed that masculine, sophisticated, and mature accounted for 55 percent of the adjectives women used to describe a bearded man and that a beard makes a man more appealing to a woman and also gives men more status in the eyes of other men.
Furthermore in one experiment at Memphis State students chose adjectives such as enthusiastic, sincere, generous, extroverted, masculine, inquisitive, and strong to describe a man with a beard.
Back in college I sported a mustache, but that was about it. Over the years I’ve experimented with different forms of mustaches, beards, sideburns, goatees and the like, but always return to the clean-shaven look. Now that it is all grey, or more specifically all white, when it grows out I try to keep it trimmed down.
I do wonder about the validity of all my research, however, because these days the ladies are certainly not swooning over my nose and/or ears, and not a single guy I know has ever indicated my eyebrows are flashing a high-status vibe.
Perhaps I need to go back to school — do the field study and publish the paper — then all my friends and family can read that I’m not just a fuzzy little monkey anymore. I’m an enthusiastic, sincere, generous, extroverted, masculine, inquisitive, strong gorilla!
