The battle between me and the local raccoons was elevated to the top tier Monday morning. They dug up one of my tomato plants. That’s going too far. Way too far! They dumped out a potted plant on the back steps too, but when it comes to messing with my tomato plants I draw a line in the sand!
Wife, Danny, and I spent the weekend in seven different garden centers gathering up plants, and pots, and dirt, and the like for the porch, and the garden, and the beds out front of the house. The back end of the Expedition was full and Sunday afternoon we were up and down, and up and down — that gets harder to do every year — getting everything into the ground. Five o’clock rolled around and it was tea time on the front porch and we sat back and admired all of our hard work.
Everything looked real nice, if I do say so myself, and day turned to night and we moved inside, had dinner, and started getting ready for bed and the work week ahead. Night turned to morning, a heavy fog engulfed the hillside, and a shoe-soaking dew covered the ground as I took the dogs out for their morning business.
The front porch was still clean and pretty and the calico, stray mama cat had made her a bed on one of the new rocking chair cushions. We knew that was going to happen when we turned in the night before, but I’m not sure why the cats like to sleep on the front porch when we feed them on the back porch. I suppose it has to do with those new cushions!
Anyway, I took the dogs out and took them back in and headed to the back to feed those cats. I flicked on the lights, and there on the steps was the dumped-out pot and there sitting on top of the cat food can was a big-eyed coon. Thus began our morning ritual.
There are several of the critters that come around regularly to steal cat food. I suppose technically it isn’t stealing since the cats just sit there and watch the coons double fisting from their bowl. Me, on the other hand, I sling open the door and do my best to chase the things off and all it really does is make the little chocolate chihuahua, Roxie, watching the commotion though the screen door, all nervous and trembly.
I yelled and dumped the water bowl on the coon’s head and it just stood there staring at me like I was the one in the wrong. It sat at the bottom of the steps and watched me while I scooped up the dirt with my hands and repotted the freshly potted plant and as I turned around to go get the leaf (potting soil) blower the darn thing dumped the pot out again.
Our standoff continued a few minutes longer as I re-repotted the freshly potted plant and the coon finally high tailed it into the woods when I turned that blower on it instead of the dirt on the steps. That’s about the time I figured I better go around to the side of the house and check on the tomatoes. And, that’s also when I drew the line in the sand.
There must be something in Miracle Grow Garden Soil that is tasty to the nocturnal creatures. Last year they emptied an entire bag for me that I had yet to open and scattered it all over the front porch and now this year they are back digging up everything they can get their grimy little paws on. In their defense, they do, however, wash their paws in the water bowl a lot which is another problem all of it’s own.
“I think we are going to have to relocate those coons,” Danny said, as all the excitement started to wind down and Roxy sat wide-eyed trembling by the stove.
“I’m going to relocate them, alright,” I replied, “I’m going to relocate them!”
Y’all do know there are folks that say they make pretty good barbecue, don’t you? I’ve had it. It’s okay. Now may be time to try it again!
