Thanksgiving for those mad about everything

By JAMES PHILLIPS,

In honor of Thanksgiving I wanted to offer a little holiday humor with a satirical overview of Thanksgiving for progressives, leftists and non-deplorables.

During our nation’s pause for Thanksgiving last week, the things left-wing progressives gave thanks for is far different from what we logical deplorables gave thanks for as we bowed our heads.

The loathsome Left gave thanks for having so much to be angry and outraged about. Also, they gave thanks for a partnership with national media in spreading divisiveness, anger and wrath throughout America. It’s the left’s ability to say and do anything they want in depriving others of happiness and joy that makes their constant rage so wonderfully fulfilling.

During 2019, progressives were aided greatly by the Political Correctness police and the Democrats in their never-ending hunt for aspects of life to hate. Once these traditions and principles for joy were identified, the Left and their national media machine went to work attacking every facet of the American values and morals that guide life.

All holiday gatherings for leftists were complete with vegan turkeys as the center piece of the tables surrounded by frowns, furred brows and masked ANTIFA members. Before the feasts began each celebration read the exact same message that had been distributed to all leftist naysayers throughout the country by MSNBC, ABC, CBS, NBC and of course CNN.

The pre-meal message of thanks went something like this: Thank you mother Earth and any specified or unspecified deity that may or may not exist, you have given us so much to be offended by and outraged over this year. We are truly humbled and especially thankful for the Trump presidency, family traditions, the Constitution, Judge Kavanagh and biological facts to release our rage against. Every year it is important to pause and give thanks for the things we have to be angry at every minute of every day.

Another unique tradition the snowflakes have started is writing down the exact things that they are the angriest about. I have it on good accord that a majority of these individual lists included the following topics that really bring the leftist outrage out.

 • Separate bathrooms men/women

• President Trump

• President Trump’s supporters

• God and Christians

• Plastic straws

• White people

• Men who act like men

• Women who act like women

• Unborn/Newborn babies

• America

• Science and biology

• Traditional marriage

• Proper gender pronouns

• MAGA hats

After enjoying their vegan birds, in dining rooms lit only by candles to minimize the carbon footprint during this Thanksgiving, the group shifted their conversation to family and future attacks on traditional American life.

Many of the elitist indicated that while they miss their family, they are proud of themselves for not traveling home for the holiday. The amount of carbon emissions they would have released during their drives and flights could have easily pushed the world closer to the climate Armageddon that deplorables are to uneducated to understand.

After the meal the group checked the iMacs for new directives as it pertains to the upcoming Christmas season — how they would attack community and town trees and any public display of Jesus or any symbol of Christianity.

The directions and narratives read as they have for the preceding decade telling the forever outraged to keep their eyes open for any Christian traditions and especially be on the lookout for people spreading or experiencing any type of joy.

As the progressive Thanksgiving came to an end and the snowflakes began to head their separate ways I suddenly awoke. It was only then that I realized it was all a progressive nightmare — I immediately said, “thank God I’m a deplorable” and smiled as I drifted back to a joyous sleep.

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