In this era of “fake news” — or what we are told is an era of “fake news” — I wish the news I got this week was not really fake news.
The fax machine rang about 9:00 Monday morning and out popped the message from a Mr. David Demirkan LLP. Before I break this news, or this fake news, I should also say I’m glad part of it is fake, although I would be happy if the bulk were not.
Dear Tim Beeland,
My name is Mr. David Demirkan. I am a solicitor with David Demirkan LLP, Canada. It may surprise you to receive this letter from me, since there has been no previous correspondence between us. There is an unclaimed “permanent life insurance policy” held by our deceased client.
The transaction pertains to an unclaimed “Payable-on-Death” (POD) savings monetary deposit in the sum of Nine Million Eight Hundred and Twenty Thousand United States Dollars. The policy holder was one of our clients, Mr. Gary Beeland, who worked with Energy Company here in Canada. He died in an accident in Toronto, Canada, eight years ago. Since his death no one has come forward for the claim and all our efforts to locate his relatives have proved unsuccessful.
The insurance company code stipulates that “insured permanent polices” not claimed must be turned over to the abandoned property division of the state after eight years. Therefore, I ask for your consent to be in partnership with me for the claim of this policy benefit, in view of the fact that you share the same last name and nationality with the deceased. If you permit me to add your name to the policy, all proceeds will be processed on your behalf. I wish to point out that I want 10% of this money to be shared among charity organizations while the remaining 90% will be shared between us.
This is 100% risk free. I do have all necessary documentation to expedite the process in a highly professional and confidential manner. I will provide all the relevant documents to substantiate your claim as the beneficiary. This claim requires a high level of confidentiality and it may take up to 30 business days, from the date of receipt of your consent....
Now I know that anyone and everyone that has an email account, a cell phone, or anything else connected to the internet in some form or fashion has likely gotten this type of “fake news” at some time or the other. I know I’ve gotten my fair share of them and even quit answering calls from unknown numbers years ago.
On the other hand I sometimes read the “fake news” emails — or skim them anyway — to see what outlandish amount of inheritance I’m getting and how much the scammer wants me to send to get the “paperwork taken care of.”
This time, though, I’m sharing my good “fake news” with you all not because the mass-generated fax was indeed addressed to me and there was no stray “r” or “w” in my last name, nor because I even for a second believed any of it. I’m sharing because my older brother’s name really is Gary.
Fortunately he isn’t dead though. I am positive he is still kicking, or at least he was last Thursday when I talked to him on the telephone — that’s the part of the fake news fax I was happy was fake. He has never worked for Energy in Canada nor even been to Canada I don’t think. And, he sure as hell doesn’t have nine million eight hundred and twenty dollars — U.S. or any other kind.
Darn “fake news” people. You real “fake news” people that is. Why you want to get everybody’s hopes up? Again, the money part, not the brother part!
Ya reckon how Mr. David Demirkan LLP got hold of my brother’s name?