If you get your feelings hurt easily, don’t become a teacher. Like anyone, I certainly can get mine hurt. Teaching high schoolers for decades can help with that problem. Sometimes, I think it got to the point of amusement for me, not that the hurt feelings happened often. Most of my students had impeccable manners indeed. But the blunt remarks, personal questions, and off-color comments happened with enough regularity to keep me aware that I was dealing with the not-yet-fully-formed mind. I did some research and discovered what I already presumed: having students say or ask teachers embarrassing comments or questions is a universally shared experience. Enjoy.
At the age of 22, I began teaching at Morton High School. Luckily, my students, almost without exception, showed complete respect; I simply did not allow otherwise. But as a young teacher, I definitely had my share of interesting questions. I was asked almost from day one, “How come you ain’t got no kids,” and “Why aren’t you married?” I was asked, “Why do you wanna work at Morton” and “You don’t make a lot of money, do you?” I was, of course, able to fend those off readily. But then, as the months and years passed, I was dealt the more, shall I say, unexpected blows. “Mrs. Barnes, were you on the Titanic?” Uh, no. “Did you ever meet Shakespeare?” Again, no.
I recall a particularly grueling workday when I stood in the office waiting for copies to finish when a former student approached me. She looked at me, standing there in my just-had-my-second-child body. “Hey, Mrs. Barnes,” she exclaimed as we hugged, her eyes darted straight to my abdomen. “Girl, what are you expecting?” she asked. I remember telling her that I wasn’t expecting that! I laughed to myself the rest of the day about it and how I should have reacted differently. Later, I even used the story as a brief teachable moment for my students about how to respond, what not to ask women, etc. After getting over my hurt feelings, feeling so much better about my hormonal self, and finishing my story to my last class, a beautiful young girl raised her hand and said, “Mrs. Barnes, don’t you worry about it. Pay her no mind. She just didn’t know any better. You’ve just got to work on that stomach, that’s all.” Thanks.
Others in my field have had their share of goodies as well. One was told, “You’re pretty for an old person.” She was in her thirties. Teacher Shanna was asked what she had in her water bottle. When she informed the student it was just water, the kid replied, “Well, put some beer in it. My dad says it always takes the edge off.” Some were told, “You smell like Las Vegas” and “I named my bunny after you” and “You ain’t mean like they said, just real loud.” A young
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teacher was asked, “Miss, what’s your real job” and “Why do you talk so much?” One teacher was asked, “What do you want to do when you grow up?” Molly Dugan, a young teacher from Kansas, shared some of her favorites in a 2024 Newsweek article that garnered much praise for its honest glimpse into the wonderful yet raw world of teaching. Dugan touts her love of students and developing relationships with them as her favorite thing about her job. She states, “I chose to be a secondary educator, middle and high school, because, as I reflected back on my time at those ages, I remember how emotional, confusing, and transformative those years were.” She continues her thoughts about the relationship between her and her students:
Building relationships with my students is my number one priority. Remember back to that time when we were all so worried about what others thought of us? I try to eliminate that as much as possible in my room. Just by being myself, I tend to embarrass myself a lot. Like…. A lot, a lot; stories about this to come on my socials. I like to show them that it’s OK to laugh at ourselves. “When I’m the first to show my human side, my students start to feel safer to be themselves, too.” Dugan added. “My kids might poke fun at me and have some brutal one-liners, but they are all incredible humans whom I am proud to have taught.”
Her shared student comments have gone viral. Her favorites include “You look like my grandpa’s couch,” and “Ms. Dugan, you don’t want to know what I said about you behind your back or you’d quit your job” and “Are you in therapy? You seem like the type.” Brutal indeed.
Whether it’s age-related comments or blatantly rude questions, some students are going to say them. That’s part of teaching. But here’s the thing. They are kids. Even high schoolers are basically kids psychologically. If you’re brave enough to enter our field, be mindful of that. Do we hold these kiddos accountable? Yes and no. Of course, we expect more from high schoolers than younger ones. But in a world where we see adults, some in very powerful positions, say insulting things constantly, often with impunity, can we blame them? At least one thing is indisputable. We, as adults, definitely should know better. Meanwhile, teachers everywhere continue working their magic, doing their daily job of educating, supervising, counseling, entertaining, inspiring, and leading, all while never knowing just when they will have to dodge the wounds of the classroom. What a small price to pay for having the world’s greatest job.
